Look, I admit it. I thought Elder ring (opens in new tab) would be complete nonsense. In my defense, it was a fair stance to take: I hate soul likes, and since this was built up in pre-release to become the Ultimate Soulslike Ever, it was no trouble brushing it off. And when it came time to make New Year’s resolutions for 2022, it was an easy joke: I play Elden Ring (opens in new tab).

The time came, I jumped in, and boy, was I right: that was it completely nonsense. The tutorial was somewhat intriguing, but playing with a controller (which I also promised) was a sin against PC gaming. I quickly tossed aside the thumb-numbing device – only to discover that Elden Ring’s mouse and keyboard controls also suck bananas. What a surprise! A bullshit game with bullshit controls. Still, a promise was made. I fought on.

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By wy9m6

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